Robert Asprin. Epigraps for Myth series

I. Another Fine Myth

1. "There are things on heaven and earth,
      Horatio, Man was not meant to know"
      -Hamlet
2. "Things are not always as they seem"
      -Mandrake
3. "The only thing more reliable than magik is
      one's friends!"
      -Macbeth
4. "Careful planning is the key to safe and
      swift travel"
      -Ulysses
5. "Only constant and conscientious practice
      in the Martial Arts will ensure a long and
      happy life"
      -B. Lee
6. "Attention to detail is the watchword for
      gleaning information from an unsuspecting
      witness"
      -Insp. Clouseau
7. "Is there anything in the universe more
      beautiful and protective than the simple
      complexity of a spider's web?"
      -Charlotte
8. "In times of crisis, it is of utmost impor-
      tance not to lose one's head"
      -M. Antoinette
9. "To function efficiently, any group of
      people or employees must have faith in
      their leader"
      -Capt. Bligh (ret.)
10. "Man shall never reach his full capacity
      while chained to the earth. We must take
      wing and conquer the heavens"
      -Icarus
11. "One of the joys of travel is visiting new
      towns and meeting new people"
      -G. Khan
12. "First impressions are of major importance
      in business matters"
      -J. Pierpoint Finch
13. "The secret to winning the support of large
      groups of people is positive thinking"
      -N. Bonaparte
14. "A little help at the right time is better than
      a lot of help at the wrong time"
      -Tevye
15. "Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as
      taking candy from a baby' has never tried
      taking candy from a baby"
      -R. Hood
16. "Just because something doesn't do what
      you planned it to do doesn't mean it's use-
      less"
      -T. Edison
17. "The wonders of the ages assembled for
      your edification, education, and enjoy-
      ment - for a price"
      -P.T. Barnum
18. "No matter what the product or service
      might be, you can find it somewhere else
      cheaper!"
      -E. Scrooge
19. "By persevering over all obstacles and
      distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at
      his chosen goal or destination"
      -C. Columbus
20. "With the proper consideration in choice of
      allies, victory may be guaranteed in any
      conflict"
      -B. Arnold
21. "One must deal openly and fairly with one's
      forces if maximum effectiveness is to be
      achieved"
      -D. Vader
22. "This is another fine myth you've gotten me
      into!"
      -Lor L. and Har D.
23. "Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever
      gone as planned"
      -D. Graeme
24. "Ya gotta be subtle!"
      -M. Hammer
25. "Just because you've beaten a sorcerer,
      doesn't mean you've beaten a sorcerer"
      -Toth-Amon
26. "A woman, like a good piece of music,
      should have a solid end"
      -F. Schubert

II. Myth Conceptions

1. "Life is a series of rude awakenings"
      -R.V. Winkle
2. "First impressions, being the longest
      lasting, are of utmost importance"
      -J. Carter
3. "Ninety percent of any business trans-
      action is selling yourself to the client"
      -X. Hollander
4. "If the proper preparations have been
      made and the necessary precautions
      taken, any staged event is guaranteed
      success"
      -Ethelred the Unready
5. "...Eye of newt, toe of frog..."
      -Believed to be the first recipe
      for an explosive mixture...
      The forerunner of gunpowder
6. "That's entertainment!"
      -Vlad the Impaler
7. "Numerical superiority is of no conse-
      quence. In battle, victory will go to the
      best tactician"
      -G.A. Custer
8. "Anything worth doing, is worth doing
      for a profit"
      -Teresias
9. "There is more at stake here than our
      lives"
      -Col. Travis
      Alamo Pep Talk
10. "One need not fear superior numbers if
      the opposing force has been properly
      scouted and appraised"
      -S. Bull
11. "Should old acquaintance be forgot..."
      -Count of Monte Cristo
12. "This is no game for old men! Send in
      the boys!"
      -W. Hays
13. "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce"
      -Henry VIII
14. "We're looking for a few good men"
      -B. Cassidy
15. "I'll worry about it tomorrow"
      -S. O'Hara
16. "Myth-conceptions are the major cause
      of wars!"
      -A. Hitler
17. "Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the
      civilized warrior"
      -Hun, A.T.
18. "Just before the battle, Mother, I was
      thinking mos of you..."
      -Sonny Barker
19. "What if they gave a war and only one
      side came-"
      -Lucifer
20. "Chain of command is the backbone of
      military structure and must be strictly
      obeyed"
      -F. Christian
21. "It takes a giant to fight a giant"
      -H. Prym
22. "Hell hath no fury like a demon scorched"
      -C. Mather
23. "What is this, a Chinese fire drill?"
      -Sun Tzu
24. "...and then I said to myself, 'Why
      should I split it two ways-'"
      -G. Mouser
25. "Is everybody happy?"
      -Machiavelli
26. "All's well that ends well"
      -E.A. Poe

III. Myth Directions

1. "Dragons and Demons and Kings,
      Oh my!"
      -The Cowardly Klahd
2. "When old friends get together,
      everything else pales to insignificance"
      -War, Famine, Pestilence
      and Death
3. "That's funny, I never have any
      trouble with sevice when I'm shopping"
      -K. Kong
4. "'Weird' is a relative, not an absolute
      term"
      -Baron Frank N. Further
5. "Nothing is impossible. Anything can
      be accomplished with proper prepa-
      rations and planning"
      -Ponce de Leon
6. "Now you see it, now you don't"
      -H. Shadowspawn
7. "A friend in need is a pest"
      -Fafhrd
8. "Once more into the breach..."
      -Zarna, the Human Cannonball
9. "War may be Hell... but it's good for
      business!"
      -The Association for
      Merchants, Manufacturers,
      and Morticians
10. "Old heroes never die; they reappear
      in sequels"
      -M. Moorcock
11. "What do you mean, 'You've got a
      little job for me'?"
      -Hercules
12. "Out of the frying pan, into der fire"
      -The Swedish Chief
13. "If you can't dazzle them with dex-
      terity, baffle them with bullshit!"
      -Prof. H. Hill
14. "As any magician will tell you - Myth
      Directions is the secret of a suc-
      cessful steal"
      -D. Henning
15. "-Or was it unlock the safe then
      swim to the surface?"
      -H. Houdini
16. "...and then the fun began"
      -N. Bonaparte
17. "I'm sure we can talk things out like
      civilized people"
      -J. Wayne
18. "What's the point-spread on World
      War III?"
      -R. Reagan
19. "Why should I pay a troll just
      to cross a bridge?"
      -B.G. Gruff
20. "What are friends for?"
      -R.M. Nixon
21. "We've got an unbeatable team!"
      -Sauron
22. "No matter what the game, no matter
      what the rules, the same rules apply
      to both sides!"
      -Hoyle's Law
23. "Life is full of little surprises"
      -Pandora
24. "This contest has to be the dumbest
      thing I've ever seen"
      -H. Cosell
25. "If you can't win fair, just win!"
      -U.S. Grant
26. "Winning isn't the most important
      thing; it's the only thing!"
      -J. Caesar
27. "Ask not for whom the bell tolls-"
      -M. Ali

IV. Hit or Myth

1. "There's something to be said for relatives
      ...it has to be said because it's unprint-
      able!"
      -A. Einstein
2. "When things are blackest, I just tell myself
      'cheer up, things could be worse!' And
      sure enough, they get worse!"
      -Skeeve
3. "Once a knight, always a knight,
      But once a King is once too often!"
      -Sir Bella of Eastmarch
4. "Duty: a fee paid for transacting in
      good(s)"
      -U.S. Dept. of Commerce
5. "The only thing worse that a sorcerer is a
      sorcerer's apprentice"
      -M. Mouse
6. "Good information is hard to get. Doing
      anything with it is even harder!"
      -L. Skywalker
7. "There is no counter for a spirited woman
      except spirited drink"
      -R. Butler
8. "Choose your friends carefully. Your ene-
      mies will choose you!"
      -Y. Arafat
9. "I don't know why anyone would be nerv-
      ous about going to see royalty"
      -P. in Boots
10. "Superior firepower is an invaluable tool
      when entering into negotiations"
      -G. Patton
11. "Tell you what. Let me sweeten the deal a
      bit for you..."
      -Beelzebub
12. "I'm making this up as I go along!"
      -I. Jones
13. "Marriage, being a lifelong venture, must be
      approached with care and caution"
      -Bluebeard
14. "Some farewells are easier than others"
      -P. Marlowe
15. "In a war against organized crime, survival
      is a hit or myth proposition"
      -M. Bolan
16. "It's always easier to destroy than to
      create"
      -Any general, any army, any age
17. "The best laid plans often go fowl"
      -Wile E. Coyote
18. "Life can be profitable, if you know the
      odds"
      -Ripley
19. "These blokes need to be taught to respect
      their superiors"
      -Gen. Cornwallis
20. "Figure the last thing you would expect
      the enemy to do, then count on him doing
      precisely that!"
      -Richelieu
21. "Stayin' alive! Stayin' alive!"
      -V. Dracula

VII. M.Y.T.H. Inc. Link

1. "Petty crime is the scourge of business today"
      -D. Lorean
2. "It all hinges on your definition of 'a good time'!"
      -L. Borgia
3. "It's all a matter of taste"
      -B. Midler
4. "If you're too busy to help your friends, you're
      too busy!"
      -L. Iacocca
5. "What fools these mortals be"
      -Smaug
6. "Not everything in life is funny"
      -R.L. Asprin

VIII. Myth-Nomers and Im-pervections

1. "Nobody's seen it all!"
      -Marco Polo
2. "They don't make 'em like they used to!"
      -H. Ford
3. "It's not even a nice place to visit!"
      -Fodor's Guide To Perv
4. "Taxis are water soluble"
      -G. Kelly
5. "I just need to pick up a few things"
      -I. Marcos
6. "There's no place like home!"
      -H. Johnson
7. "...On the street where you live"
      -Quote from an anonymous extortion note
8. "There's never a cop around when you need
      one!"
      -A. Capone
9. "...You gotta start somewhere"
      -S. McDuck
10. "All financiers are not created equal!"
      -R. Corman
11. "How come I get all the hard questions?"
      -O. North
12. "HOLY BATSHIT, FATMAN! I mean..."
      -Robin
13. "Who? Me, Officer?"
      -J. Dillinger
14. "Parting is such sweet sorrow"
      -Figaro
15. "Easy credit terms available..."
      -Satan
16. "You can judge the success of a man by his
      bodyguards!"
      -Prince
17. "Bibbity... bobbity..."
      -S. Strange, M.D.
18. "'M' is for many things she taught me..."
      -Oedipus
19. "I am not a crook!"
      -Any crook
20. "Were you looking for me?"
      -Dr. Livingstone

IX. M.Y.T.H. Inc. In Action

0. "What am I doing here?"
      -Any recruit, any army
1. "What do you mean
      my characters talk funny?"
      -D. Runyon
2. "We want to make you
      feel at home!"
      -L. Borgia
3. "Just a little off the top!"
      -A. Boleyn
4. "Squeeze, don't jerk, the trigger"
      -R. Rogers
5. "When I travel, nobody knows me...
      and I like it that way!"
      -S. King
6. "Boards don't hit back!"
      -B. Lee
7. "To Serve and Protect..."
      -Traditional motto of
      protection rackets
8. "It takes one to know one!"
      -Jack D. Ripper
9. "Manners are acquired, not inherited!"
      -S. Penn
10. "Now, here's my plan!"
      -R. Burns
11. "That's why the lady is a tramp!"
      -B. Midler
12. "It sure looks to me like a big night
      tonight!"
      -Arthur, Rex
13. "Weren't you expecting me?"
      -J. Rambo
14. "You countermanded me on whose
      authority?"
      -Pope John
15. "An army travels on its paperwork!"
      -J. Carlson
16. "So what's wrong with following
      established procedures?"
      -M. Gorbachev
17. "Ya gotta speak the language"
      -N. Webster
18. "Has anybody got a plan?"
      -G.A. Custer
19. "We must hurry... It's almost over!"
      -P. Fogg
20. "I want a rematch!"
      -M. Tyson